Resentment to Restoration Through a Heart of Humility
It would’ve been amazing if my battle had ended here. But to be honest, I still struggled afterward, especially with anxiety and the heaviness in my heart. I still found myself thinking, “I love Jesus, and I’m saved! Isn’t that enough? What’s wrong with me?”
As I prayed, God revealed that one of my strongholds was “control.” In this sense, a stronghold is a place we create to protect ourselves from attack. However, I realized that the more I wanted to control my life, the more my anxiousness got worse—it didn’t serve as an actual, ultimate stronghold.
Through reflection, I saw how my desire for control affected my perspective on my future and past.
I believed Jesus was my Savior, but as I dug deeper into the source of my anxiety, I realized I wasn’t fully letting Him be the Lord of my life. My mind was constantly filled with “solutions” to protect myself from discomfort, even though I knew I had no real control. But what about control and the past? How do these two concepts relate?
I wanted to change my past the way I wanted in order to control my present—to achieve the outcome I desired. This desire came from the bitterness that my past still held onto.
Here are some examples that might resonate:
I want this person to apologize for what they did years ago.
I didn’t receive the love I hoped for while growing up. That’s why I’m like this now.
I would finally be happy if this person changed.
Ephesians 4:31-32 says:
"Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
I was holding on to the idea that healing and joy would come only when my past resolved the way I wanted. I dismissed bitterness as a small, insignificant “thought,” but over time, it still grew. Anger, frustration, and unhappiness began to affect my walk with Christ. Bitterness became a pattern that blocked my faith, negatively affected my relationships with others, and held back my spiritual growth. My self-narratives overshadowed God’s voice, which continually assured me of His love and forgiveness.
During this struggle, I came across prayers in a devotional, <The Songs of Jesus>, by Tim Keller that deeply moved me. One prayer, in particular, guided my first step toward freeing my heart from resentment.
“Help me forgive anyone who wrongs me or those I care about, remembering my own undeserved pardon in Jesus. Yet let me still have the courage and passion necessary to right wrongs where I can.”
This prayer reminded me to distinguish between true wrongdoing and my own sin-triggered reactions. For example:
When insulted, I should recognize whether my insecurities or misplaced identity are being exposed.
If wrongdoing occurs, I should respond with grace, and a heart grounded in God’s forgiveness.
Through this reflection, I began to see what my heart truly needed - assurance of love. However, instead of demanding that others fill my void, the Holy Spirit reminded me to turn to God for His ultimate protection, love and peace.
Another prayer from the devotional resonated deeply:
“The cross proves that you love me, and I can trust that you are listening to me and handling my request the way I would want if I had your wisdom.”
This relieved my anxiousness as I realized again that God’s sovereignty and wisdom are beyond my comprehension with my own knowledge and experiences.
Eventually, God led me to let go of my resentment through prayer and humility. This wasn’t easy, but it was necessary. This time, God reminded me of the true love I have already received: He sent His only Son to restore our relationship with Him. That truth challenged me to cut off lingering doubts with courage and trust. I needed much humility and faithful prayer through His power.
Psalm 71:17-22 says:
"Since my youth, God, you have taught me, and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds… Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth, you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once more. I will praise you with the harp for your faithfulness, my God; I will sing praise to you with the lyre, Holy One of Israel."
This passage revealed God’s sovereignty—not to control me, but to assure me that I am safe in His arms. Living in hope means focusing on God’s goodness and sovereignty rather than continuing to ask God to fix my “misfortunes” (from my point of view) without a heart of humility. Because God turns misfortunes into blessings. He will work through me as I am by providing everything I need at His perfect timing to fulfill His purpose and glorify His name.
So, what are you still holding on to from the past?
Today, Jesus is encouraging you to let go and step into the joy of following Him—a joy that leaves no room for grudges to block your walk with God. I pray we continue to fix our eyes on the hope of eternal life through Jesus Christ.
Amen!